How to Have Beautiful Relationships Even With Technology
Tech is getting a really bad rep these days. There is so much judgement to be had when it comes to tech and kids, tech and social media, social media and relationships, tech in schools, tech for downtime. The list does not end. As a parent, it can be so hard to know if you’re doing anything right when it comes to the world of technology and how and when we let our kids use it. If you’re single, tech and dating apps can be great and exhausting, and interesting and oh so offensive (sometimes all of that at the same time). For those of us that remember a time without tech, this world we now live in can be scary and overwhelming, mostly because we don’t know what rules to follow only to feel bad if we follow the wrong ones.
Give your kid a phone. Don’t give your kid a phone. Life would be easier if my kid had a phone. My kid will find porn if they get a phone. Let your kid have downtime on the iPad. iPads are bad for kids. iPads have educational games. My kid will find porn if they’re on the iPad. Maybe I’ll try a dating app? Dating apps are desperate. But that’s how people meet. Someone’s gonna send me an x-rated pic for sure. Follow on FB. FB sucks. I suck. Life sucks. (why can’t I unlike this like 1,000 times). (like).
I believe we’ve now created a culture of anxiety and fear-mongering when it comes to technology. With new studies coming out daily, community programs and news stories on cyber bullying, tech addiction, even headlines of what could really be a positive story about technology, turn our fears into a fast frenzy internally. So what’s the best thing to do if living in a yurt off the land somewhere in the middle of not-telling-anyone-where-you’re-going isn’t right for you?
Remember that you can handle this. No we didn’t have these problems as kids and our parents never had to deal with all the bad stuff that comes from the tech era but we did have other stuff that for our time was just as big. Bullies were there, monsters were there, bad news was there, the threat of us being kidnapped was there, finding porn in a friend’s garage was there. Bad stuff was everywhere, it still is. For our time, because I don’t believe in comparative suffering, our parents were freaked out too, just as much. Does it matter if they were more freaked out or less freaked out? I don’t know. Being a parent is still being a parent right? Not getting invited to a party didn’t hurt less because it wasn’t online.
Second, try to remember the good things that tech has brought to our lives and use them in the ways you love them. I can find my friends and my kids all with the same device. I can see where my kids are, they know where I am, I can literally reach out and phone a friend whenever I want to or need to. (Although more on people not picking up phone calls anymore later) I can be resourceful and I can share beautiful moments with people I love. I can connect with friends visually as well as emotionally and I can freaking not get lost when I’m going somewhere! I don’t have to spend time on apps that make me sad or feel left out and I can create time and space boundaries so I don’t work when it’s family time and I can step away from my tech when I want to or need to. I get to make that decision and it’s empowering to know that I can make that decision from anywhere at anytime. I can also help other people make those decisions as well as we all are learning how to fit our devices into our lives and not the other way around.
Use your tech as a topic of conversation, not a way to communicate. One of the coolest things I think social media, new sites and blogs can do, if we allow it, is bridge a gap between people. So maybe we’re not “real” friends in “real” life, but it’s your birthday. That’s one more birthday wish you’re gonna get from me - not just online - but in person too. I saw your kid had surgery? How’s he doing - in person. You took a beautiful photo - that was gorgeous - live. Believe it or not, liking someone's news online but not bringing it up in person, not the best form and definitely won't bring you closer to anyone. Bring up the things you saw, the news someone posted, a birthday, a new app, a top story, a meme into your real world too, it’s all way too good to keep it in the electronic one!
Use your tech to learn a new skill and share it with the world (online and off). Have a new hobby or interest? Find one! Top sites like CreativeLive and ClicknMoms offer creative classes on anything from photography to editing to writing to jewelry-making and so much more. Learn something new that inspires you and let the people hear it! Online and on deck - we all learn from one another and there’s nothing that inspires us more than people being inspired to do something different or learn something new. Envy is the best way to get your butt moving and change your life. Look at what others are doing as a means to create something yourself, not something to get jealous or intimidated over. And when in doubt, ask your friends and family for support online and in person on your new hobby, skill, talent or technique. There are so many good reasons to involve other people on your new journey and one of those reasons is that it’s contagious…and inspiring…and keeps us accountable (okay that’s more than one but I couldn’t help it they were just coming).
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